The Astros took me in the draft, in June, two-thousand one.
Six summers I played ball for them; then they said I was done.
I signed with the Athletics, but that lasted just a year.
Then Frank Wren said he’d take a chance; that’s how I wound up here.
The Braves were down by six runs on the twentieth of May,
Against the Cincinnati Reds–one inning left to play.
We’d rallied back for three runs by the time I got the call;
With one out and the bases juiced, I got to touch them all.
And almost as exciting, facing Florida in July;
My pinch-hit grand salami broke a Braves and Marlins tie.
That inning saw eight runners score–my RBIs were half.
Though six Braves’ runs were ruled unearned because of Cantu’s gaffe.
Top of the ninth in Houston and the skipper called my name;
An RBI would tie it but a clout could win the game.
Their closer’d only given up three gopher balls all year–
I sent the ball to Crawford Street and swept the bases clear.
I rarely get to start games, ’cause I’m better in the pinch;
I’ll take your pitch four hundred feet if you miss by an inch.
Utility infielder, though my average isn’t great;
My bat can muscle out the ball from both sides of the plate.
Brooks Conrad is clutch.
On May 20th, he hit a pinch-hit, walk-off grand slam home run that lifted the Braves over the Cincinnati Reds to cap a seven-run rally.. On July 24, he hit his second pinch-hit, grand slam home run as part of an eight-run Braves eighth inning. And then, on August 10, he hit a pinch-hit two-run shot in the top of the ninth to put the Braves ahead of the Astros. No wonder some people call him “Clutch” Conrad.
Anyway, I was going to write something generic based on him but then last night happened and I decided, the heck with it, I’ll *call* it “Brooks Conrad” and I’ll write what happened.
The only bit of poetic license is that all of Conrad’s six home runs this year came from the same side of the plate. But he is a switch-hitting utility infielder. He was drafted by Houston, and so on.
Enjoy!
